


on the upside of a downward spiral

by notthebigspoon



Series: Amaryllis [46]
Category: Baseball RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-01
Updated: 2012-09-01
Packaged: 2017-11-13 08:21:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/501429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notthebigspoon/pseuds/notthebigspoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With the roster expansion, Ryan feels like a sardine in a can. There's just not enough room for everybody or maybe it's just that the extra people and extra eyes everywhere make Ryan feel like he can't breathe.</p><p>Title taken from Drive By by Train.</p>
            </blockquote>





	on the upside of a downward spiral

With the roster expansion, Ryan feels like a sardine in a can. There's just not enough room for everybody or maybe it's just that the extra people and extra eyes everywhere make Ryan feel like he can't breathe. What that adds up to right now is being huddled off in a corner with Blanco, eyes flicking back and forth between the game and sky. The sky is growing steadily more dim and someone keeps talking about the coming rain and the possibility of getting rained out.

When Pagan and Pence come in off the field, they nudge Blanco's jaw with their knuckles, a silent 'I love you' that makes Blanco beam at them. Ryan nudges Blanco with his shoulder. It's great, it really is. They're going into September in first place and people are in love and everybody's so happy that it just makes Ryan smile like an idiot. Life is, he thinks, really a beautiful thing.

Blanco nudges him back and lands him with a light elbow to the ribs, smiling faintly. “Talked to Cabrera?”

“Ah...” Ryan looks around, dropping his voice and nodding. “A little bit. We've been texting mostly, talked once. Still haven't seen him in person yet.”

“Think you two are going to be okay?”

“We're getting there. I get mad sometimes. Think about everything that happens and it comes roaring back until I can't think of anything else.”

Blanco nods, understanding and that's no surprise. He's handled this the best of all of them, Ryan thinks, never turning his back on Melky, loyal to a fault. Even with his own anger towards Melky, Ryan's still glad that through it all, his boyfriend has had one person who has always been in his corner. Before Blanco can respond, he's sent out to replace Nady.

Just like he always does when left alone with his thoughts and Melky's been the subject of conversation, Ryan reevaluates the relationship. Melky lied. Melky lied a lot and was involved in a downright nutty scheme and his chances of coming back to the Giants are, more and more people say, practically nonexistent. 

Even with all the bad though, there had been plenty of good. Too much good to just throw aside. As hard as he tried not to, as angry as he lets himself get when he overthinks the situation, Ryan is still crazy in love with Melky and the idea of letting him go makes Ryan feel like the sky is falling. He sighs and gets to his feet, moves up and crowds into an open space to watch the game. He's feeling good, just has to make it through the rest of the game before he can retreat to his hotel room and some peace and quiet to make a phone call he should have made a week ago. Until he can do that, he has to settle for firing off a quick text.

Ryan: I miss you, I love you, I'll see you tomorrow night.

Melky: Will leave the door unlocked. Love you more, miss you most.


End file.
